Money-Laundering Mansions: Dreams Built on Deals

From Borella to Bungalows: When ‘cleaning up’ money meant four-storey cleaning service

In yet another thrilling episode of “Maladewa’s Cribs: Narco Edition,” a man and a woman from Borella were arrested for allegedly turning drug money into an ambitious suburban property empire, complete with multiple homes and vehicles that scream: “We’re doing too well for our day jobs.”

Flipping Drugs, Not Houses

The suspects, aged 43 and 45, were nabbed by the Illegal Assets Investigation Division on the 28th, apparently after running out of excuses for why their lifestyle looked more like a B-grade Colombo soap opera than a humble family hustle.

Their alleged business model?

Sell drugs

Buy houses

Deny everything

Repeat until someone shows up with a warrant

Mansion Shopping: The Narco Edition

Let’s take a virtual tour of the seized real estate:

A four-storey house in Kandana — perfect for hosting “quiet” get-togethers and discreet rooftop surveillance escapes

Two two-storey homes in Borella — one for living, the other for laundering (or perhaps airing laundry)

A three-storey house also in Borella — because apparently, you need a backup house for your backup house

A Japanese Alto — because every cartel needs to blend in at the Keells car park

 A Wagon R — for days when the Alto just doesn't feel "luxury" enough

Experts estimate the total value of these assets at “definitely suspicious for a couple who claim they run a snack cart.”

Magistrate Mode: Activated

The duo was dragged before the Maligakanda Magistrate’s Court, where they were remanded until July 11 — a gentle reminder that while crime doesn’t pay in the long run, it might get you a sea-facing balcony in the short term.

Police: "We’re Not Done Yet"

Authorities say this is just the beginning. “More assets are under investigation,” said an officer, possibly while eyeing a suspiciously stylish doghouse in the backyard.

Maladewa’s Money Laundering Act is now being taken out of storage, dusted off, and aggressively applied to ensure that the only thing these suspects will be building next is a paper trail.

Final Note: No Refunds on Illegally Acquired Chandeliers

Let this be a lesson to all aspiring narco-developers: If your housing plan includes three kitchens, no actual job, and a lot of sealed brown envelopes — the Illegal Assets Investigation Division might just schedule a visit.

Until then, the rest of us will continue to wonder why we can’t afford a house with two bathrooms and a driveway, despite working five jobs and drinking instant coffee since 2004.